Monday, 19 April 2010

The Return of the King

I've finally gotten into the third Lord of the Rings, and I'll be honest, I'm sort of white knuckling this one. NOT because it isn't wonderful (it is) and not because I don't love it (I do) but because I'm so ready to have this book read! (haha, pun!)
BUT BETHANY! you say, why don't you just read the books and have it done with?
Well...........I would....... but I'm busy?
Seriously. I've got DATES this week. Dates with FATE! No, I'm kidding, just coffee dates with some friends from church and Bible Study. And any spare time, of course, will go to writing. And blogging. :)
But what do you advise? I mean, I could take the book with me everywhere I go and read it in line and get it finished faster, or I could wait until I have time and really relish the rest of the book.
What do you think?
And I'm still undecided about classics. Any recommendations for really good classic lit books?
And since I'm not writing much today, (spending spare time on my fantasy) here's some humor!
(The last one is funniest)


A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp. (HA! That's... a horrible joke. :P)


Best Newspaper Headlines of 1998
1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
2. Something Went Wrong in Jet crash, Experts Say
3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
6. Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?
7. Would-be Women Priests Appeal to Pope
8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
15. Stolen Painting Found By Tree
16. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Line
17. War Dims Hope for Peace
18. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
20. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
21. New Study of Obesity Looks for Large Test Group
22. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space
23. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
24. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
25. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Three guys are sitting at a bar
#1: "...Yeah, I make $75,000 a year after taxes."
#2: "What do you do for a living?"
#1: "I'm a stockbroker. How much do you make?
#2: "I should clear $60,000 this year."
#1: "What do you do?"
#2: "I'm an architect."
The third guy has been sitting there quietly, staring into his beer, when the others turn to him. #2: "Hey, how much do you make per year?"
#3: "Gee... hmmm... I guess about $13,000."
#1: "Oh yeah? What kind of stories do you write?"


ANALOGIES YOU PROBABLY WON'T FIND IN GREAT LITERATURE
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
Long separated by cruel fate, the star?crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

1 comment:

Tahereh said...

loool you are way too funny! loved this post. i haven't read any of the LOTR books (i know. i know! DON'T HATE ME!) so i'm not sure how to advise you. but have a blast on your dates!! hehe

& also: just wanted you to know that you are a phenomenal human being. seriously. thanks for being so stellar.

(i would hang out with you any day of the week.)

<3333 you bestie!!