Thursday, 15 April 2010

The Two Towers... Procrastination, and Humor

LORD OF THE RINGS! I PROMISE you guys! I like the books! So why does it take me so long to read the series?

Because I'm a procrastinator writer. And I can only read so much fantabulously amazing Tolkien before I have to rush to my computer, tip tap tapping away.

Anyway, I STILL don't know what classic I'm going to read. It's a toss up between The Red Badge of Courage and The Phantom of the Opera. But honestly, I'm in the middle of a writing spree, so I can't really read anything at the moment.
However, I can still enjoy a few old-fashioned chuckles. Enjoy!

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus."It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said."Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?""Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check."

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.
She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.
"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."
A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.
"Wait a minute," said the writer. "This is just as bad as hell!"
"Oh no, it's not," replied an unseen voice. "Here, your work gets published."


There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

How many cover blurb writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?


Punctuation Parable
Dear John,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior.You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy - will you let me be yours?
Dear John,
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior.You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?


And I end the post with the fist line of my novel, translated.

No, you don't get to see the original. :P

The judge continued to attack.

Now, I assure you, that is not what I wrote. But it would make an interesting story, wouldn't it?

MMM, I want some hot chocolate!


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