In todays episode of Is it a Hobby?, Bethany Yeager faces her deepest fear.
Where oh where has the sparkle gone? Why is my life grey and why is my writing so sub-par? Why do I avoid blogger, why is Word currently the most unused icon on my desktop?
Is it over?
Was it all a dream?
Am I just... a normal kid?
My WIP is tired. I'm not tired of it, but together we're just slogging. In a month and a half, I've written 7,000 words in it. Yes, you saw that measly number. This past week, my dedication to blogger has been... less than enthusiastic. I haven't devoured the critique my friend Lizzi so wonderfully and generously gave me, I haven't obsessed.
Authors, is this it?
Have the last five years been a dream?
No. I refuse to believe that. I've been a writer. I'll be a writer. I just don't feel like a writer right now.
Have you ever felt this before? How do you deal? How do you get past the inner voice, that doubting little whisper? Not the one that says, "You'll never write anything worthwhile." I know that voice. I can survive that one. But what about this one? "Yeah, sure kid, you got talent. But you don't want to do this forever. It's time to move on, let it go. How many novels do you need to be happy? Aren't you satisfied?"
No, I'm not satisfied. No, I'm not done. I probably never will be. - that's my heart's response, the one I know is true. But my mind is sort of like, 'eh, I'd survive without writing.' But would I?
I love writing. I love English. Sometimes it scares me, because I have something I'm good at. Not great, not spectacular, but good. Solid.
Authors, do you ever feel this? How do you cope?
Possible reasons I feel this way:
A) It's summer. Vacation time. I always relax a bit June-August.
B) It's HOT. 80-90 degrees just inside the apartment (No AC). It's hard to work seriously when you're sweating and miserable, right?
C) I haven't read anything recently. I mean, not anything I want to read. I've read whatever was lying around. I'm out of books, and, what's worse, I'm out of bookstores. English bookstores, anyway. My imagination needs a serious recharge!
D) I'm not a professional author yet. I'm a kid, maybe I'm pushing myself too hard? Or maybe I'm not pushing myself hard enough?